SHOUTING OVER the blazing flames engulfing the Oval Office at journalists who were fleeing to safety, US president Donald Trump maintained that everything is fine on domestic and foreign fronts, WWN can report.

“Everything is fine” Trump confirmed, possibly talking about heat he was getting for lying about a former US president ringing him to praise him for stating his war on Iran.

However, some media personnel choking on smoke speculated Trump could have been referring to the lies told by Pete Hegseth who claimed families of US military personnel grieving the needless deaths of their loved ones told Hegseth to ‘finish the job in Iran for my son’.

“Everything is fine,” repeated Trump as the make up on his diseased hand began to melt, but observers suggest the ‘everything’ he is referring to might relate to him saying he has destroyed Iran’s military capability only for Iran to knock out 17% of Qatar’s natural gas supply which could take 5 years to get back online.

“I would have guessed the everything he means is him joking about Pearl Harbour, or the fact the UK, France, Italy, Japan, Germany and the Netherlands released a joint statement declining to dig Trump out of the hole he’s dug in the Strait of Hormuz,” remarked one journalist sprinting for the exit of flames continuing to engulf the room.

UPDATE: Trump was last seen repeating “everything is fine” as the flesh melted from his skull, possibly alluding to the estimated $200bn cost of continuing the war on Iran, Oman claiming Israel pushed Trump into the war despite a peace deal being possible, Netanyahu carrying out attacks on Iranian gas fields without consulting the US, his counter-terrorism chief resigning saying Iran posed no imminent threat, Blackrock CEO Larry Fink saying AI’s mass replacement of the workforce will be devastating to the economy, more deaths at the hands of ICE, the latest season of the Bachelorette being pulled from broadcast, inflation continuing to bite, Jared Kushner making billion in corrupt Middle East deals or his presence in the Epstein files.

In Japan, a Domino’s employee named Umanami Futoshi became an internet sensation after completing one of the most unusual deliveries ever. He reportedly hiked for nearly six hours up Mount Fuji to deliver a pizza to a climber waiting at the summit. With no drones, vehicles, or shortcuts, he carried the pizza in a heat-insulated bag while climbing steep volcanic trails and facing cold mountain winds.

The order cost around $962 and was part of Domino’s Japan’s “deliver anywhere” campaign. What started as a creative marketing idea quickly turned into an impressive display of determination and dedication. Step by step, through exhaustion and thin mountain air, Futoshi kept going until he reached the 3,776-meter peak.

When he finally arrived, the climber received more than just a hot pizza. He received a memorable story about effort, humor, and pride in work, proving that sometimes even a simple delivery can become an extraordinary adventure.

Ongoing tensions between Iran and the United States have raised global concerns about possible oil shortages and rising fuel prices. In times of uncertainty like this, Japan stands out for its strong long-term energy planning.

Japan maintains massive strategic petroleum reserves that can supply the country’s oil demand for about 254 days. These reserves include both government stockpiles and additional reserves held by private companies, creating a strong safety buffer during global supply disruptions.

This system helps ensure that even if international oil supplies are interrupted, Japan can continue to meet its energy needs for many months. It is often seen as a powerful example of how careful planning and energy security strategies can help protect a nation during global crises and unstable markets.

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