SHOUTING OVER the blazing flames engulfing the Oval Office at journalists who were fleeing to safety, US president Donald Trump maintained that everything is fine on domestic and foreign fronts, WWN can report.

“Everything is fine” Trump confirmed, possibly talking about heat he was getting for lying about a former US president ringing him to praise him for stating his war on Iran.

However, some media personnel choking on smoke speculated Trump could have been referring to the lies told by Pete Hegseth who claimed families of US military personnel grieving the needless deaths of their loved ones told Hegseth to ‘finish the job in Iran for my son’.

“Everything is fine,” repeated Trump as the make up on his diseased hand began to melt, but observers suggest the ‘everything’ he is referring to might relate to him saying he has destroyed Iran’s military capability only for Iran to knock out 17% of Qatar’s natural gas supply which could take 5 years to get back online.

“I would have guessed the everything he means is him joking about Pearl Harbour, or the fact the UK, France, Italy, Japan, Germany and the Netherlands released a joint statement declining to dig Trump out of the hole he’s dug in the Strait of Hormuz,” remarked one journalist sprinting for the exit of flames continuing to engulf the room.

UPDATE: Trump was last seen repeating “everything is fine” as the flesh melted from his skull, possibly alluding to the estimated $200bn cost of continuing the war on Iran, Oman claiming Israel pushed Trump into the war despite a peace deal being possible, Netanyahu carrying out attacks on Iranian gas fields without consulting the US, his counter-terrorism chief resigning saying Iran posed no imminent threat, Blackrock CEO Larry Fink saying AI’s mass replacement of the workforce will be devastating to the economy, more deaths at the hands of ICE, the latest season of the Bachelorette being pulled from broadcast, inflation continuing to bite, Jared Kushner making billion in corrupt Middle East deals or his presence in the Epstein files.

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